The guilt of going no contact & the astrology that helped me let go

Most of us know the planets in Astrology: Ascendent/Rising, Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, Saturn & Pluto. What most people don't know, is there are much more for us to learn about our chart by working with different Astroids.

Some of you have probably heard about the astroid Chiron, which is referred to as the wounded healer, that helps us learn about our core wounds we are meant to work with. Another popular astroid people work with is Lilith, which represents our shadow, raw instincts and untamed independence.

But there are many more astroids for us to learn about, and they can help take our understanding of our astrology chart and put a much deeper lens on the karma we are meant to work through and guide us on the best practices to do that.

I have been studying astrology for over a decade and have worked with astroids in the past, but I had the incorrect birth time that drastically altered my housing placements and hadn't gone to work with them since. Recently I layered them on to my chart and started learning what that actually meant in the expression of my chart and energy, and it provided such deep healing, closure and validation.

in January 2021, I came forward and told my family that my father had molested me as a child. Essentially I dropped the truth bomb, and then walked away and didn't speak to most of my family for almost a year. I have struggled with so much guilt over the years with the way that I handled things. I speak more about my sexual trauma my experiences working through that here: CLICK HERE

I have been in no contact with my father for over 7 years now, which I will be honest has never been anything more than a relief. But I have been no contact with my mother for four years now and have struggled so much with it. I have spent so much time feeling guilty for how it affects her.

There as been a big part of me that feels like a failure as a healer because shouldn't I be able to create repair? Whenever I tune in, I have always gotten a strong no and that staying away was the correct move. But there are times that I question that, is that just my ego? Shouldn't I be "healed" enough to not be triggered by them?

I have spent so much time spiraling in my mind about whether not my mom and I will reconnect. Because I love her dearly and miss her so much, it has sometimes felt like it would be easier if she died so I could just have closure.

We had a very enmeshed relationship and I was her baby. Growing up, I always saw her as my dads victim and felt a deep need to protect her. I was constantly putting her emotions and well being in front of my own, at the expense of myself.

Learning to choose myself and stay grounded in that has brought up so many different healing portals for me. A few months ago, my cat died. And when he did, my suppressed mother wound came exploding out

. I did a plant medicine ceremony where the same message came through over and over from my guides in regards to my parents: you never have to see them again and are not energetically alligned with them. It was time to let them go.

I have never felt so much relief. The permission slip of not having to speak to them again was so deeply healing. But I still had guilt to work through.

An account ended up on my feed from a therapist that works with parents struggling with children that have gone no contact and I landed in the comments. I was reading about the pain of these parents and how devestating their side of the street was, and the guilt I have been carrying since a child began working it's way out. And it's all in my chart.

My Chiron is in Cancer, but adding the additional layers of other astroids added a much deeper layer of what is at the bottom of my core wounds. What's interesting is as a healer, I have strong energetic boundaries with my clients and they never make me feel drained - quite the opposite, they help me stay grounded & feel alive. But when it comes to my family & romantic relationships, it's the complete opposite.

I added a layer of 15+ astroids and my chart showed that I am what's called a system purifier, or a fancy title for black sheep that came to blow shit up. When I brought the hidden shadows of the abuse in our family to light, I was acting in literal perfect mathmatical execution of my charts heaviest placements - ones I didn't even know about until now and my planets alone didn't show.

I knew about my Gemini 8th house stellium, but it is loaded up with astroids that align me with truth telling in Scorpio themes at very specific degrees, specifically when it comes to clearing sexual trauma from my generational line. And not only that, but I was meant to drop the truth and then walk away & never look back.

When I first accepted the truth about my father molesting me, it came exploding out. I didn't handle it properly, I didn't process it first. It was a fucking disaster.

But that's exactly how it was supposed to go down and it was written in the stars before I even got here. My zero degrees mars was getting lit up by other astroids that show my family path and said we aren't here to be gentle, we are here to explode and burn it to the ground.

My mom was never supposed to believe me. I wasn't supposed to create deep healing in my immediate family unit. I was specifically placed to root out trauma for the next generation.

My 8th house is loaded with 10 planets & astroids in Gemini to give me a voice that was meant to create a domino effect for my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews & my children.

I came to root out the rot of denial and suppression and plant a new seed and show what speaking your truth looks like. Our family's way of dealing with it is "getting over it" and just never talking about things again. And I came here to shut that down.

And the shadow of Gemini, is overthinking. Which is opposite my second house (which rules finances), where my moon lies (which is how we emotionally express things). When I other think about my family, my moon gets drained and my capacity to make money gets affected.

Running your own business is hard. Sometimes the money has flowed, but sometimes it comes to a stop. I evaluated the last five years - every time I am overthinking my family the money stops.

I was never supposed to receive an apology. My mom was never supposed to believe me. That is not a part of my path. And seeing that written in my chart has been so validating and healing.

Having my mother not believe me has activated so much unworthiness. But it was unworthiness that was already there from our relationship starting in childhood, and her denial of what he did to me was always meant to be a catalyst to help me heal my inner child.

Me wanting to be believed has kept me in this karmic loop that I was always meant to walk away from. And seeing it all laid out so clearly in my chart to the very last detail was exactly what I needed to finally close this door.

I had launched reading charts last week.. Guess what was in my chart once I added the layer of astroids? Me leaning into astrology and launching that and stepping into it. On June 30th when Jupiter went into Leo, it activated multiple astroids in my chart to move forward with that.

I don't do basic chart readings. I will be pulling up your astroids and seeing how they interact with your planets, but I will also be tapping into your energy and working with your guides to download additional messages and guidance.

It will include a roadmap of your shadow and what you need to focus on. The focus will be shadow work and understanding your soul contracts. To learn more: CLICK HERE

I also do energy healing sessions that can include past life work, generational trauma, inner child work and more. To get 50% off your first session: CLICK HERE